I’m not ready for this and he looks like he’s scared to death. He should be. The public defender has asked me to be in court so the judge can see me. Oh and the baby too. Going for the sympathy vote. He’s also told Jonathan to consider pleading guilty and sparing everyone the trauma of going to court. He means the 14 year old. I think she should go through it, just like the rest of us. Maybe she won’t be so quick to jump in a stranger’s car next time. Something tells me they were both in the wrong. If he pleads guilty, the public defender assures us he will get two years probation.
We ride the bus in silence. It has been a long three months. Linus chatters about all the things she sees out the window. At the court house, we’re met by the public defender and he shows me where to sit; right where the judge can see me and Linus perfectly. Jonathan is sitting up front with the other “criminals.” I wish this was closed to the public. People have come just to see him get his comeuppance because I can hear them talk.
When his turn comes, people shift and whisper. He stands before the judge and the charges are read. The public defender mentions that Jonathan’s wife and daughter are here. All eyes turn on me because I’m the only one here with a child. I’m bright red and I don’t dare look up. When asked how he pleads to the charges, Jonathan answers very quietly “Guilty” and there’s whispering again.
The judge tells him to rise. I can tell he’s shaking by the manner his shirt flutters. The judge tells him what he did was reprehensible. He sentences him to two years less a day, not probation. There is chaos in the courtroom with those who do not agree. I don’t understand. Two year plus would have sent him to the penitentiary. But because the sentence is two years less a day, he will be going to a reformatory. Her family are the people making noise and wanting blood. The judge orders them to silence.
They handcuff him and take him away. Sentence to begin immediately…He turns slightly, his eyes meeting mine. The fear is so great in his; the anger so readable in mine. Then he’s gone…The public defender walks past me and doesn’t even look at me…
I make my way out with Linus close to me. I can hear people yelling at me as I run out the building. I’m so afraid they’ll follow me. I board the bus and watch to make sure they’re not right behind me. The ride feels so long as my anxiety refuses to subside until we are at my end of the world.
Linus is fed and down for her nap. I take a long hot bath and only then do I allow myself to think of what happened this morning. Only then do I realize that he’s gone for two years and I need to make decisions. I have a baby coming in five months. I need to decide what I’m going to do about my marriage. I can’t think of all this right now. I just want to sleep…
As I lay in my bed, the numbness I’ve been feeling all this time starts to fade. I can’t cry anymore but I do want to scream…
I fall asleep with broken dreams and misery and the thought that it’s time to go home…
Next -> Aftermath
Tags: penitentiary, probation, public defender, sympathy, trauma