He hands me sixty dollars. I hold my breath in disbelief. I don’t dare hope. “Go to the music store at the mall and get me the guitar in the window. You should have enough there.” The money almost burns my hand. I want to protest loudly “do you know how much food I can buy with this? The babies are outgrowing their clothes…I could use a winter jacket…” But I don’t…I put on my thin jacket and I’m on my way, like I’ve been programmed.
I shiver in the cold night waiting for the light to change. Cars full of young people go by, music blaring from their stereos. That should be me…I should be going to parties and not worry….
The heat from the music store makes me lightheaded. I tell a gentleman I want the guitar in the window. He tells me it’s not the best guitar, that maybe he can show me others. I tell him no I want that one. Please just get me that one. And I start to panic. If I don’t come back with the right one…He tells me he is Michael, owner of the store, and he can give me a better deal on something else. I start to cry. “You don’t understand…I have to bring THAT guitar home and soon.” He probably thinks I’m crazy. He asks me if I want something to drink. Trying to control my terror I say “I can’t…I have to go. He’s watching me.” “Who’s watching you?” “My husband…” I tell him I live across the street in the old Morris house and that he’s watching me and I have to go… please...I can see the light in the gap in the curtain from here…
Michael gets the guitar, puts it in a cardboard box. I can barely control the trembling as I hand him the money. My sobs are loud and I keep apologizing. Michael pushes the money back into my hand. “Hide that and use it for what you need.” “I don’t need anything,” and I try to give him the money again. “I have a feeling there’s more to this,” he smiles sadly. He won’t take the money.” He even gives me five dollars change. I can barely whisper thank you….
I have no gloves and my hands freeze as I carry this box home. But I can sort of hide behind it and put the money in my bra. In front of the house I wipe my cheeks and nose and look up to see the gap in the curtain closing. Inside I try to warm up but I am shivering from what Michael did and the fact that I have sixty bucks in my bra.
I hand him the five dollars. He says “You should have got you and the kids something” and I almost faint. “Go,” and he smiles…I don’t feel the cold as I run to the supermarket. I turn to look at the house and there is no tell tale back light letting me know the curtain is open. I can barely believe it. I buy hot cocoa, bread, ham and…oranges.
When I get back, the guitar is warmed up and tuned and he’s playing “Midnight Special.” The babies are dancing, bopping up and down, singing “Bop go the weezo!” I make ham sandwiches and orange slices and cocoa and we sit and eat and sing and dance some more. There is color and magic in the music…
And for one moment in time, one moment, we are a shiny, happy, almost loving family…
Next -> In the Eye of the Beholder
Tags: bra, guitar, music store, shiny happy family