I have trained my babies to sleep on the floor at the back of the closet, in their bedroom. It’s just a fun game for them, like camping. They’re not afraid. On the nights when the madness comes, I take them out of their little beds and hide them in one corner of the closet. I cower in the other. I leave the door open a few inches like it always is in the daytime. In my mind, it does not draw any undue attention.
And the madness does come. Usually on pay day, when he has money to drink. If nothing else, he’s predictable. I know when he’ll be here. When the babies are safe in the closet, I sit in the darkness and rock….and wait. If I have to come out and face him, at least the babies are ok. He’s not figured out this secret yet.
We live in a house divided into three apartments. There’s no one living in the other half and the owner’s ninety year old uncle, Jenkins, lives upstairs. A week after we’d moved in, Jenkins knocked on my door to tell me he had an ingrown hair on his testicles. He wanted to know if I had tweezers…if I could pull it out. I slammed the door on his face… That evil bastard told my husband I was rude. Jonathan told me I should have given the old coot a thrill. He bashed my head on the wall until I apologized to Jenkins.
I listen for the sounds…those sounds that I know like a second language. And soon they come. The door unlocking…I try to control my breathing. The sound of another beer bottle being uncapped….The cap flying across the counter and rattling to a stop…Boots dropping…The bathroom light flicks on and sends a sliver of light into my dark world. My mouth is so dry, I can barely swallow. The sounds continue in precise order… Pissing out the nights’ beer, water running, toilet flushing.
Then the sound I always dread. His footsteps TOWARDS us, not away from us. I know he is standing right in front of the closet door…last night he lost his balance and slammed into the closet door…Little Boo stirred in her sleep and shifted towards the back wall…Linus didn’t move. She sleeps through anything….I had both hands over my mouth and terror gripped me so tight I couldn’t breathe…Then came the sound I live for…His footsteps towards the living room….I gasped for air…
We have only one bedroom and the babies sleep here. We sleep on a mattress on the living room floor, which we prop against the wall during the day. I tremble as I wait for the sound of the mattress hitting the floor. Sweat trickles down my back as I hear the thud of his body on the mattress.
I wish he would bash his brains out on the TV stand but he never does. Then I will come out, put the babies back in their beds and on rubber legs make my way into the living room. I will crawl onto the mattress and shiver until morning when we will wake up and pretend nothing happened…
I have to go now…the madness is near and have to hide the babies…
NEXT -> Splintered World
