I tack down the blankets around the windows a little more, trying to keep the cold out a little better. As I fix the blanket on the side window, I see this guy come out from the back of the bakery and toss out garbage. He returns and he tosses out…BREAD!! Whole loaves we could have. I’m stricken with disbelief. How old can it be? Yesterday? That’s still good bread. In my family, we all know from a very young age, that throwing out bread is almost a sin.
For the next few hours, I’m obsessed with this. I have to wait until the bakery closes at 6 pm. I have to do it before he gets home which is 6:30 pm. I don’t have much time and it gets dark early. I can’t take the babies with me, can’t leave them by themselves. I will have to risk it in daylight when they’re asleep. The dumpster is about 20 feet from my back door. I look again and see that on this side I can climb up fairly easily. I can barely sleep all night thinking about this.
****
I’ve been watching the bakery and that guy has not thrown anything out today. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe they do this every week. My stomach is in knots. The babies go down for their nap and I’m still watching. I think I’ll just try again tomorrow. That’s when I see that guy come out and dump my bread…I get my jacket and shoes and set out before I lose my nerve. I wish I had gloves…
I touch the dumpster and as I suspected the cold metal burns my skin. I climb and pull myself up. I hear the back door open and I almost fall trying to get down. I hear something being tossed in…I wish I’d waited a bit longer. Pressed against the cold metal I try to calm my racing heart. Trying again, I succeed in getting over the top without falling in. I see five loaves of bread…all beyond my reach. I get myself back down and I cry tears of rage.
I run back into my house, to the basement, looking for something, anything that will help me reach. I find a broken broom handle and think it’s long enough. Back out in the cold, I climb up again. With my spear I have an even harder time hanging on. My nose is running, my rage is burning. It occurs to me to go now but I want that bread. I spear the bread twice before I get it…as I pull it up, it falls off. “GOD HELP ME!!!! PLEASE!!! I only want one…” I spear it again and manage to get it. The metal edge is digging into my ribs, hurting like hell but I have my bread and I get myself down.
I am out of breath and in pain. I clean up and warm my hands under the hot water. I have the bread heating in the oven and the smell is intoxicating. For the first time, I feel I may survive the winter. The babies are up and we sit on a blanket on the floor and have a picnic. I tear into my piece and swear nothing tastes so good as this bread with sweet butter, this manna from heaven… And my heart is screaming, “How much lower will you sink Neoma? How much lower?”
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Tags: bread, dumpster, intoxicating, manna from heaven, metal burns skin