I’m on the train. I’m really on the train. We have two pairs of seats facing each other, one for me, one for Linus, one for Boo and one for the shopping bag. My stomach is doing backflips. I just want this train to go… NOW! I help the babies remove their jackets and they decide they want to take their shoes off too. How can I say no… it’s their first time on a train and they’re so happy.
I feel uneasy. I just wish this train would start moving… go…go…go. I watch people come and go, old people, young people, people with babies, half afraid of……of what? My nerves are stretched to the breaking point. Go… go… go… why won’t this train just go! The babies are kneeling on their seats, peering out the windows and waiving at everyone and anyone. I can see the conductor coming down the aisle, collecting tickets, punching them and sticking them up on the ticket holders above each passenger. But still the train doesn’t move.
I’m starting to sweat. I break into the shopping bag and fish out the cookies the nice lady gave us. “Yummy cookies Mom,” squeal the babies. My cookie sits in my stomach like a rock. Will this train ever leave! Tears are coming to my eyes… don’t cry Neoma… it’s okay… I’m so tense that when the conductor asks me for my ticket, I can barely move. He chats up the babies, who are more than happy to tell him they are going on the choo-choo train! From some hidden pocket, he produces two lollipops and hands them over to some very surprised and happy babies. “Sank you,” they say in unison, which makes conductor laugh. I can’t laugh. I’m so tight with nerves, my mouth is dry and I can’t speak. God please make this train leave…
The babies want to follow the conductor but I tell them the train is going to start moving soon and they need to be in their seats. Just as I say that, the train actually begins to move. The relief is like a downpour, flooding over me. I want to laugh and cheer. I feel like one of those crazy people who just start to laugh and laugh for no reason. Slowly, slowly, then faster and faster, the train pulls out of the station and out of hell.
As we leave the city and head into the countryside, the babies are beside themselves with joy as they see real cows and horses for the first time. And each and every time they see a cow or a horse, they cry out “Look Mom! Cows Mom! Horsies Mom!” Once again they make me laugh. My heart rumbles along with this train and slowly I let the rhythm of the rails soothed my soul. In five hours I will be with my family, be in a better place. I will talk to my Dad about the threats… he will talk to the police… I will find a safe place… I will have…
I look at Linus and this strange light flickers across her eyes as she looks at something just passed my shoulder. My stomach and my heart squeeze…no…no…no. Both babies jump on me at the same time. Someone taps me on the shoulder. I am frozen. I can’t turn around. This is not happening…this is not happening! No no no no no no no no no……
And there he is. Just standing there in front of me.
“You want to go home?” he smiles, “I’ll take you home.”
Next -> No God
Tags: breaking point, conductor, lollipops, tickets