My nerves are as tight as a bow string….I swear I’m teetering on the brink of a breakdown…let the time go by quickly but not so quickly that I lose my way…I lay here listening to the damn sounds of my life…listening as the car crunched down the driveway…I lay here perfectly still….waiting….waiting…for an hour….just to make sure he suddenly didn’t come back to get something he forgot…nothing must go wrong today…When I finally feel safe enough, I get up, put the mattress away, so happy that I’ll never sleep on it again…I’ll never come back to this ratty place…
It’s when I pull out the suitcases and I hear that old bastard shuffling around upstairs, that it hits me. I can’t go over to the bakery and call a cab, as I’d planned. Jenkins will hear it coming up the driveway. From his many windows he’ll see me, babies and suitcases piling in and he’ll call Jonathan’s work and let him know “his wife is up to no good again.” I’m shaking with nerves and anger. If I lived on the moon, it would not be far enough from these two…
You’ll have to walk it… I empty the suitcases. Tears run down my face. I can only carry one. I pack up the largest with only the clothes we need. It’s okay…you’ll soon be able to get new ones... I fill a shopping bag with toys and snacks. I take the stroller outside and place it beside the stairs where it can’t be seen. I put the shopping bag on the rack underneath. Please God don’t let me collapse…
I have my money. Last night he sent me to get cigarettes. As I walked to the mall, I realized a semi truck was stopped in the parking lot, in such a way, that it blocked Jonathan’s view to the music store and the supermarket. I ran like hell, into the music store, breathlessly telling Michael to “stand outside, I’ll grab my money on the way back, I’m leaving in the morning, that the truck blocked the view” and I ran back out to get the cigarettes. When I came out, the truck was gone. You’ll have to come back in the morning…I ran past the music store, fighting back the tears and dearly hoping Michael wouldn’t suddenly come out. As I reached the end of the mall, in a small unlit area that could not be seen from the house, Michael stepped out of the shadows and damn near gave me heart failure. He handed me the money, kissed my forehead and wished me luck. The tears spilled down my face as I thanked him for being such a good friend. I put the money down the front of my jeans, inside my panties and ran home before I got into trouble.
The sound of little feet shuffling on the floor, gladdens my heart and they come tearing in ready for penuff buller toast. While they eat, I get dressed and tie my hair back, trying to look pretty. This is your day, Neoma….My stomach is in knots. I go through the house to make sure all is the way it should be and that I haven’t forgotten anything. I dress the babies and tell them were going for a walk. They clap their hands and hug. “Nina Boo go in the stwoller wit Mom!” they sing. They always refer to themselves as Nina Boo like they’re just one entity.
The clock ticks loudly…the time is here Neoma….go…go…
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Tags: heart failure, Michael Jackson, Nina Boo, panties, toys and snacks