The loud bang on the back door makes him look at me like I’m supposed to know who’s out there. He can answer it. He opens the door and there are great noises of greetings “Hey Paulie,” and “Hey Jon.” In walks a nice young man about our age. Paulie is the son of Maury, the owner of the company Jonathan used to work for. Jonathan introduces us and the babies come running to check out the stranger up close. “You should have told me you had such a beautiful family, such gorgeous kids,” gushes Paulie. He never told him about us…is he that ashamed of us?
It’s nap time anyway and I have an excuse to make myself scarce. The babies ask to be carried and we do the monkey song. “Up one monkey!” as Linus climbs up on me and “Up two monkeys!” as Boo has her turn. “Up two monkeys in the banana tree! Two monkeys just for me!” We run off squealing and laughing much to Paulie’s delight and Jonathan’s embarrassment.
It doesn’t take long for the babies to fall asleep. I stand by their bedroom door and listen, wondering why “Paulie” is here. I hope Jonathan didn’t do anything stupid. Then I hear “coming back to work for us” and I want to jump out and yell “yes he will!” Oh please God make it so…I realize they’re negotiating some kind of raise. I decide I’ve been hiding long enough and head to the kitchen where I busy myself with dishes and dinner. I ask them if they want anything to drink and they both accept some Pepsi.
As I bring the drinks to them, Paulie tells me that he’s very happy my husband is coming back to work for them. Not half as happy as I am… And since he’s got a family, they will be giving him more money. Money I will never see…He’s the best driver they ever had and they miss him. I’m always amazed at the persona he puts out there, for the public, for family and friends. He’s so wonderful. He’s carefully cultivated this nice guy image. He’s right… No one would believe me if I told them what he’s really like…No one would ever believe that this wonderful guy hurts me, locks me in the basement and looks for any excuse to drink and make me go mad. I make myself scarce again. In my head, I go through the past forty five minutes and hope that I haven’t done anything wrong.
After Paulie leaves, Jonathan won’t shut up how they came to him, offered him more money to come back. New car to drive as well. He takes me in his arms and waltzes me around the living room. I’m so stiff with fear that I can’t relax. I’m not used to kindness from him. He’s so happy and he goes on and on. Maybe we can move out of this dump, have a real bed, some curtains, a car, a better life. It’s like he doesn’t remember it was him who quit in the first place. Because of his whore wife…
I wish this were all true and that, outside of this moment, he actually meant it. I try to be happy and I smile out of duty. In my heart of hearts, I know where the money will really go. We’ll never leave here because we won’t be able to. Things will not change…
There will be a better life… It awaits me if and when I have the courage to leave…
Next -> The First Time I Saw Him
Tags: ashamed, beautiful family, duty, whore wife