Time ticks on by as I wait to find out how our lives may change. I’m worried about too many things and I don’t know the outcome yet. When he does come home, he looks drawn out and he’s silent. I warm up his dinner while he washes up. I don’t say anything. If there’s anything for me to know, he’ll tell me or I’ll find out from Sandy. I busy myself folding the laundry I have hanging all over the house. He eats quietly. The silence is so deafening, that when he pushes his plate away, the scrapping makes my nerves jump. He reads the newspaper.
I wonder what’s going through his head. Is he happy about this? Is he thinking he might get that son he so wants? Or is he very unhappy that she, of course, did not take precautions like she should have. Did he ask her in the first place? Obviously they didn’t practice safe sex. I know for a fact he hates condoms. Says it’s like taking a shower with a raincoat on.
Is he thinking of how he’ll have to support two families? He probably thinks that since we live side by side, it will be much easier for him to take care of everyone. Thinks he has it made. What he doesn’t realize is, if that girl is indeed pregnant, I will not be here to celebrate the newborn. I will be long gone, the babies and I, far away from this madness. I won’t bother with alimony and child support either. I know his track record for work. I’d rather start fresh and work my ass off getting a new life together, than spending my time, energy and worrying, trying to find him and getting support payments out of him. It’s not worth it. Make a clean break, I say.
I wonder what she’s thinking. She’s probably sort of happy, maybe. I was happy to have this baby inside me. I loved it from the moment I knew it was really happening. It’s the rest I didn’t much like. She probably feels the same. Wondering what he’ll do, if he’ll divorce me and marry her. That is exactly what I think she wants. Does he? He doesn’t love me so why does he keep me? Does he love her? Will he hurt her too? More than likely…
And what do I think…I don’t know anymore because I’m all mixed up. My pride is hurt that he has an affair right under my nose, with nothing more than a girl, and now maybe she’s pregnant. She lives in the other half of the same house. This means I get to see her everyday and be reminded of their indiscretion. Part of me wants her to be pregnant so I can leave. The other part dreads it. I don’t want her to suffer like I do.
And the babies? In time, will they want to go out in the big world and find their half brother or sister? By then, there may be a bunch of them to look up. He won’t be any more faithful to her than he was to me, so there may be other young girls who will succumb to his dark charms and there may be more brothers and sisters to look for. Now I have a headache…
Finally, in the darkness and quiet of our bed, he suddenly says “She’s going to see the doctor tomorrow.”
Maybe taking a shower with a raincoat on is not that bad an idea…
Next -> Bundle of Joy…?
