I had two surprises yesterday. The first one was Sandy’s appointment has been rescheduled for late this afternoon. She’ll take the bus and meet him there. That way he won’t have to leave work early. Is it just me, or is there something odd about this whole thing? Don’t you think this is all strange, that he’s so willing to be there, like he’s honorable or something? The second thing is, when I went to the supermarket yesterday, Michael asked me if I was available to do inventory today. I don’t hesitate to say yes. I owe him so much. I’m excited to be doing something good and getting out from under this drama for awhile.
I bundle up the babies and I pull them across the road in the sleigh they got for Christmas. They giggle and try to shout ‘faster Mom!” through their scarves. At the store, Michael takes us to the back room he keeps for himself. He’s put in a bed and there are two huge boxes of toys that he brought for the babies. I’m speechless. At first, they’re a bit afraid that I’ll leave. The store is closed today, so there’s only me, Michael and his business partner Lawrence. I show the babies that they just need to peek out the door and they can see me wherever I am. With that settled, they start to play and I get to work. Every now and again a little person comes out and says “hi Mom,” then goes back to the business of make believe.
I help to count things, clean things, arrange things. We do inventory and I discover my capacity for laughing again. Michael and Lawrence have a running argument over the merits of Playboy (Michael) versus Penthouse (Lawrence). I just blush furiously… but the feeling of joy and camaraderie they extend to me is so intoxicating. I drink it up in great gulps. At lunch time, Michael brings in pizza and my mouth waters looking at the box. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had pizza. The babies have never had any, but anything with cheese they’ll devour. And they do. I get a twinge of anxiety that they just may say something about “yummy peepla” in front of their father but it passes. “Peepla” can mean anything in their world.
With full bellies and empty bladders, the babies settle down for a nap in the little bed. In no time they’re asleep and I finish up my work. I think of Sandy and wonder how that’s going. For some reason I think… What if it’s not a boy after all…then what? We get done around 5 and I need to go home. It makes me feel sad as I bundle up the babies once more. Michael thanks me and hands me and envelop. There’s a hundred dollars in it. I feel faint and I tell him, I can’t accept it. I paid off the money I owed him and I’m happy with that. He tells me I did a lot of work and I deserve it. I want to cry. I tell him I can’t take that home. He agrees to keep it here for me, to use when I need it. I cry the entire way home. Such a bittersweet day: with kind, decent people and now back to the bleakness.
Just as I finish getting his dinner ready, he comes in. He looks at me and says “No…” and the drama is over.
Next -> Blue Night
