When he gets home, we’re getting babies in their pajamas. The instant she hears him, Boo just starts to tremble. Linus goes white as a sheet. They both cling to me, making it hard for me to stand up. I try to reassure them, that Mommy will take care of it, but they don’t understand. What they DO understand, is that “Daddy be mad.” No he won’t…not at you anyway…I tell them, we’re going to talk to Daddy and they need to come with Mom. Linus gets real quiet and Boo just trembles more.
When I come into the living room, carrying babies instead of his dinner, he gives me that look. I really don’t care. I tell him he will have his dinner as soon as he fixes this situation. He knows exactly what I’m talking about because his eyes half close and he smiles. “You need to tell Boo she’s not a boy; she’s a girl and she can cry,” I inform him. He looks at her with such disappointment I want to slap him. He wants to take Boo from me but she turns and clutches me very tightly. “What’s wrong with her,” he says exasperated.
“What’s wrong is that you’re trying to make her believe she’s a boy and that she can’t cry. She’s scared to death of you getting mad if she cries like a girl and she’s shaking like a leaf. SHE’S JUST A LITTLE GIRL!” He looks at her and says, “Daddy was only joking…just kidding.” Like they understand that…And he gives that fake laugh. “They may be babies but they know what anger is,” I tell him. I tell them they have to sit with Dad, for one minute, while I get his dinner and that he will fix things. I have a hard time prying Boo from my neck. She’s close to tears and so afraid. Damn him…I soothe her in the best way I can and she finally sits on his lap looking like a lost puppy.
He tells her that “Daddy was bad” which amazes me. He tells her “Boo and Linus are the best girls in the world.” He then says she can cry, that it’s ok. Girls cry. I bring in his dinner and see Boo sobbing cautiously. I take them from him and she really lets the tears go. He shares bits of his dinner with them and the chatter is easy. In their beds, I hear them. “Boo a girl…Boo cwy.” I’m choking with my own unshed tears.
I take a deep breath and go back to the living room, knowing full well there will be payback for this. Before he opens his big mouth, I tell him that I don’t care what he does to me for this. He can beat me, lock me in the basement, whatever! I don’t care. He won’t be a savage to those innocent babies while I’m living. He looks at me almost like he’s not interested. “I have no son. I was just messing with her.” “What you fail to realize, is that those two are smarter and more sensitive than you think,” I answer. “If you want a son that bad, you have your little tart next door. Why don’t you get busy with her and leave us alone!” He doesn’t even flinch.
I think to myself that I probably sealed my fate once again, but so be it. It turns out that I just gave him more ammunition, the exact tools he needs to either bring me to my knees or to break me.
Next-> Be Careful What You Wish For
Tags: big mouth, little girl, puppy, tart