I’m cleaning up after dinner when I hear him say to Linus “Tell Mommy she’s a hooker.” Linus runs into the kitchen and says “Mom a cooker!” and runs back laughing, thinking it’s some kind of game. I’m stung and I grit my teeth. Here we go…She runs in again and yells “Mom a cooker!” and runs backs as fast as she can. I can hear them laughing. Linus I can forgive; him, I damn to hell.
I hear him encouraging her to say it again. I hear her running towards the kitchen again, except this time I intercept her. She’s not expecting me and gives a little cry when she runs right into me. She hesitates, then smiles. I tell her not to say “bad words” to Mom. She gives me that look…her cheeks are rosy from running and her eyes are blue and big as saucers. She’s processing the fact that she’s done something bad and didn’t know it. Her little mouth tightens the way it does when she’s confused and doesn’t quite know what to do.
He tells her it’s ok, “we’re playing with Mom” and she knows by the look on my face, you know that look of doom mothers have, that it really isn’t ok. She opens her mouth and begins “Mom a ….” And he’s applauding and telling her to go for it. I’m furious that he’s using this tiny little girl to hurt me…and it hurts badly. It hurts that she’s fair game for the crap he does to me. He needs to be punished, not her. She looks up at me again but doesn’t continue. I tell her it hurts Mom and Mom is going to cry. Her little face reacts as her heart registers all of this and she starts to cry.
He’s not happy. I’m messing with his fun. I try reason. “Don’t teach her stuff like that. You know it’s bad words,” I tell him. I pick up my weeping Linus and she points to him and says “Dad say bawors. Dad say Nina say bawors.” She gets it. I can see in his eyes that he’s angry and I know he’ll find some other way to get even. “You need to tell her you’re wrong and you’re sorry,” I continue. Now the look in his eye is bordering on hatred. He barks at Linus that she can’t say bad words. Holy God in heaven…blame it all on her…And she starts crying again, thinking she did something bad to Mom.
All this time, Boo is sitting in her toys, watching. She starts to cry because Linus is crying. It’s high time for bed anyway. I put them both in Boo’s bed, with the usual menagerie and I try to explain to them that it’s wrong to call other people names. And how do you tell two innocent babies this stuff without telling them their father is a jackass? I hate my life…Linus says she won’t say bad words no more. I tell to ask me if something is a bad word when she’s not sure. I hope she understands that. They go to sleep and I prepare for battle… since reason didn’t work.
I find him still sitting there smirking. No point in being polite, so I bring out the BIG guns. “Did you like it when you’re father called you an asshole and a pigmy idiot?” I calmly ask, “do you remember how it made you feel?” It does because he goes white as a sheet. As quick as cat, he gets up and lunges at me.
Next -> Mad Ballet
Tags: bad words, game, grit my teeth, hooker