“Whaaaaat!!!! You didn’t get him! You got the side of his house!” we shriek. I was nervous and shaking! I was afraid to see his thing! (Jacee is not Catholic but she’s afraid to go to hell too)
“Now what do we do? We have no proof! We’re doomed. He’s going to be a perv every minute of the day!”
“Wait a minute, he doesn’t know that!”
“Know what?”
“That we don’t have a picture!”
“Oh my God that’s true! As long as he thinks we have proof…” (Screams of delight all around)
The phone rings. Jacee answers and it’s her mom calling from work. Jacee tells her everything’s ok. That she’s breathing funny because were playing Monopoly and she just won a bunch of money. She hangs up.
“Monopoly?!”
“Well what else could I say?! Were trying to trap Wally who’s standing NAKED in his window?!” (Nervous laugh all around)
“We have to call him and make him stop.” (The phone rings…shrieks all around)
“It’s him! I know it!” (Jacee answers. She tilts the phone so we can all hear him)
“What do you want?”
“You scraggs! I want that picture!”
“Never! Listen WALLY, if you don’t leave us alone, if you don’t stop doing dirty things, we’re going to show this disgusting photo to our parents!” (Anda and I are dying)
“You little scraggs!” *gasp* You’re nothing but cold, dry repressed Catholic girls!” *gasp*
“We’re not cold and dry, for your big fat information! I’m not Catholic for your big fat information!”
“Jacee you’re worse! You’re a snake in the grass!” *gasp*
“Oh my God! You are such perv Wally Coughler! You’re a jerk! You’re a big fat pervy pig jerk!” *gasp* (She slams down the phone) Anda and I realize just then that Wally is also a Protestant. He’s going to hell way before us!
We were secretly pleased that we could call him bad names and get away with it. And that was the end of that. He didn’t bother us again…until summer.
Again we were congregated at Jacee’s house and he saw us in the kitchen window. Again he calls. We were startled because we thought he was gone from our little lives. “I have a proposition,” he says, “how about a game of hide and seek? You hide somewhere in the house, and the house only. I look for you. If I can’t find you, I will never bother you guys again. If I find you, you give me back that photo and…you have to take your clothes off too.” “Okay,” says Jacee. Just like that! “Ok I’ll be there in 20 minutes,” he says. “I’ll search for 30 minutes then leave.”
Anda and I are screaming at Jacee! “What are you doing? We don’t even have that photo anymore.” She tossed it long ago and her house is small and we know he will find us in two minutes. Anda is out the door. I’m right behind her. “You can’t leave me alone here, with him!” she wails. This is true. “I have a plan,” she says and I decide to stay. She gets the chips and two cokes. “Follow me,” she says. We crawl out her bedroom window and up on the roof.
So for 30 minutes, we eat chips, drink coke, and sun ourselves on the roof, while Wally frantically searches for us. Half hour later, from our perch, we see him huff on home. We climb back in and the phone rings. Jacee answers on the first ring. He’s furious. Obviously, we’re in the house if we answered so quickly. We’re scraggs. Of course we are. Obviously, we’ve won the war and he knows it.
Next -> Hell’s Angels
