She brought the snow with her when she was born. They’d had a green Christmas and wondered if there would be any snow at all. She was born at 6:15 a.m. and the nurse suddenly exclaimed “It’s snowing!” And everyone looked out the window to see for themselves. So she was called the “Snow Baby” by everyone. She weighed 7 pounds, 2 ounces and I couldn’t believe the miracle they handed to me. My daughter, my Linus…
When I got pregnant, it was the worst thing a girl could do. It just happened…a moment of weakness between two foolish teenagers. My mother let me know for weeks on end that I’d dragged my father’s good name through the mud. She’d watched my period since the day it began and when I didn’t produce bloody pads in time, she sent me to our family doctor right pronto. He confirmed my worst fears and he offered to call my mother and tell her. He then told me I could avoid this entire nightmare and have an abortion. I told him doing that to my baby would be a worse nightmare for me.
The real nightmare waited for me when I got home. My mother made me tell my father. It hurt me to hurt him. I could see this was not what he wanted for me. But he didn’t flip out, and he told me “everything will work out ok.” My mother was furious that he wasn’t. She would have to tell her sisters and the whole family and the shame I brought upon her was unforgivable. All Jonathan’s mother said was “that boy been planting seeds.” When I told him, all he said was “we’ll get married.”
I still had a few months of high school left before summer break. I thought about the whole thing and decided I would work my two summer jobs and make enough money to go away. I’d heard a lot about the West coast and I worked out a plan to work until the end of September when I would board a train or a bus and head to a new place and start a new life. I knew in my heart that I didn’t love him and I didn’t want him to marry me because he “had to.” I knew I could raise this child on my own, far from my mother, far from this small town, somewhere better for us.
When I told my parents, you would have thought I’d murdered someone. My mother lost it and told me under no circumstances would that happen, not to mention Jonathan freaking out and agreeing with her, and then accusing her of interfering in our lives. I just wanted to run away from all of them. I continued with my own plans until a wedding date was set, people invited and a full fledge wedding was in place. There came a point of no return and I found myself trapped in other people’s plans for me and my life. I was told not to make things worse than I’d already made them, not to embarrass my family more than I’d already embarrassed them…I thought of leaving anyway but I got so sick and I was so afraid to lose this baby, that I gave up and let the tide of their misery carry me away.
Then, on that winter morning, when my Snow Baby came into the world, all I could see was my beautiful little daughter…I was a mom…I was seventeen years old…
Next -> I Spy with My Little Eye
Tags: bloody pads, my period, name through the mud, snow baby