I’m startled by the sound of footsteps on the gravel…I’m confused and then realize the babies are napping and I fell asleep on the couch. I hold my breath and listen carefully. I don’t hear anything, so I exhale. Then the sound of someone quietly trying to unlock my back door sends me bolting straight up, hair on end. Is it him? Is it someone trying to break in? I try to look out the back window but the blankets are tacked down too well. The babies…I head towards their room but I don’t make it past the door being kicked open, almost knocking me over.
And there’s Jonathan, hand raised, holding our one and only butcher knife, coming at me… I stupidly think…Did he take it with him this morning? I turn and run back but where am I going to go? There’s only one long living room. In that split second, I think of escaping through the living room door that leads out to the front door of the house but in the same split second, I think I’m bare feet, it’s December and he will lock me out and my babies will in there alone with him.
He never slashes that knife, he just holds it up and keeps coming at me. I have nowhere to go but the wall. I stop and turn. He stops and grins. Cat and mouse. I’m cornered. The white knuckle fear going through me is like fire. Today is the day…I’m going to die…My breathing is ragged, my body is shaking and I try to run past him. He grabs me and I put my hands up to stop the blow, looking up to see him smile as he shoves the knife down right for my neck. He stops just as the tip touches my skin. My legs give out. I fall and he comes down with me, the tip of the blade never leaving my skin.
He then gets up and walks away. I hear him put the knife away in the drawer! He then comes back in, looks at me in surprise and asks me what the hell I’m doing on the floor. Is he kidding? I am just starting to be able to breathe let alone speak. He comes over to me and grabs me and I cry out. He shakes me and says “What’s the matter with you?” I stammer…you, you just…”I just what?” he laughs. “I just came home to tell you I’m going up towards the farm and I can get eggs or ground beef for free. Which one did you want?”
I can barely believe my ears. He’s lying. “I think you are going nuts, Neoma. Losing your mind.” He taps his head. He then smiles. “No one will ever believe anything you say, Neoma. Whatever you think I’ve done, it’s all in your head. No one will believe you. I’ll see to that.” And he leaves…
It takes me hours to stop shaking. He’s trying to make it look like I’m crazy. To make me think I’m losing it. He can do what he wants and he will make others believe it’s all in my head. I find my way to the bathroom and throw up. I can still feel the tip of the blade on my neck. I keep washing it with a brush to make it go away.
When he comes home that night, it’s like nothing ever happened. He sits down for his dinner, smiles and says “And how was your day?”
Next -> Revelations
Tags: blade on my neck, break in, butcher knife, lock me out