Something is crawling across my face. Oh God. Shadows play across the wall. Where am I? Sit up…The pain makes me remember not only where I am but why I’m here. I hate this basement. I’ve always been afraid to end up here and worse ending up here with things crawling all over me. I’m [...]
The babies are sleeping at the bottom of the closet. I’m in the other corner cramped and aching. We’ve been here for hours. It’s payday so he’ll be drinking. He quit his job, returned the car and it’s my fault. He’ll be looking for me. The last bus is at midnight and unless he’s walking [...]
It always amazes me how the sound of little feet wakes me instantly. I hear them now and it’s the middle of the night. I get up, turn the light on and almost fall over a whimpering Linus. I pick her up and she’s crying “manny causit…manny causit, Mom.” I hold her and tell her [...]
He finally stops pacing and smoking. It’s almost 5 a.m. I lay down as far as possible from him, to the edge of the mattress, my back to the wall. My throat stings, my stomach hurts. I’m so tired…I hear him shift and all my nerves are on high alert. The heaviness of sleep [...]
It’s three in the morning and he’s still at it. “So it’s Michael? On first name basis with him are you? Are you sleeping with Michael at the music store?’ He says that last part in a high falsetto, mocking me. “Answer ME!” he barks, making my nerves scream. I’m sitting on a chair [...]
I sit on the floor and I’m in total disbelief. How can this be? How can he know? HOW CAN HE ALWAYS KNOW? The anger and rage almost suffocate me. I put everything back and kick and scream and scare the babies. When I actually hear them crying “Mommy! Mommy!” I stop and realize [...]
He eats his toast, drinks his coffee and there’s no complaints. He leaves and I listen for the sounds that tell me he’s gone for the day. The tenseness lets go of my body for a bit. I have half an hour before the babies come tearing in here. I put up the bed, put [...]
As I serve his dinner, he asks why my hand is still bandaged. I just look at him. He asks why I’m running around with my hand on my chest like an idiot. I tell him why. He says “You’re getting on my nerves.” I put the babies down for bed and I try to [...]
Damn it! I let my guard down…I run cold water over my hand and watch my blood go down the drain. I keep going over and over it in my head. How he jumped up, asking why I had a butcher knife under my pillow…how he screamed that I hid it there and was [...]